The Do’s And The Dont’s of Online Dating

The Do’s And The Dont’s of Online Dating

I can only offer these comments based on what I see; which is only profiles of women.

I have not been on for years like some people, just a short few months; these are simply my observations and opinions. You’re welcome to agree or disagree.

I don’t see the profiles of men; so I have no idea what goes on for women looking at the profiles of men.

For the women who have profiles on online dating sites…here are some Do’s and Don’ts.

Don’t pose with sedated Tigers, Elephants and any other Wild Animals.

It makes you look stupid, selfish, uneducated and a total asshole.

DO read the entire profile the man posts. (Assuming the guy has a profile to read) Some of us are more than just photographs.

Don’t post photos of you with your children.

DO tell people you are a parent in your profile.

Your children should NEVER have their photos posted on an online dating site…EVER…

Don’t post shots of you naked or in lingerie. That will only attract 1 type of male, the kind that is looking for an easy lay. Posting photos like that make you look desperate, and it also indicates you have esteem issues. No one with esteem issues will post those photos on an online dating site.

DO post photos that show you in your best light.  Ones that make you look like you’re just like everyone else.

Don’t post photos where you look like a thug, a criminal, a serial killer etc

Do post photos of you with your cats or dogs, horses etc, if you have them. I love animals.

Don’t post photos of group shots and NOT identify who you are.

Do write an informative profile.  A profile should be more than photographs. If you’re looking for someone in your life; give people a reason as to why they should message you. Do you want someone messaging you because of your looks, or the words you have written.

Don’t LIE about your age. There is ZERO reason you can give for lying. NONE. If you can’t be honest about your age, it tells me you have no issues with being dishonest.

Do write a profile that is honest. It doesn’t have to be a 10,000 words, just has to be truthful.

Don’t post fake photos. It’s not nice to post photos of people who are not you. If I am going to meet you, you better look like your photos (within reason)

Do post photos that are actually of you. Nothing more can be explained on this one.

Don’t be married. I believe in Marriage. You should not be on an online dating site for any reason if you’re married or living with your Boyfriend.

Do be available to meet at some point if there is a connection. Do be single.  It is pretty easy to understand this concept.

I am a man, looking for a long term relationship. Do be a woman.

Don’t be a male, pretending to be a woman, so you can rob someone or worse.

DO be of Legal Age. Again…this is common sense.

Don’t be a minor. Again…common sense, laws, etc.

These things should be common sense, but I’ve discovered that common sense is lacking online, on these online dating sites.

If you have any other Do’s AND Dont’s – I’d love to hear them….

I’m hoping to find someone who realizes that my Do’s and Dont’s make a lot of sense, haha, but if she’s a sports fan, animal lover she’s already ahead of everyone else.

Finding My Place In This World, Where Do I Fit In?

 

Easter Sunday…but that’s not what this blog is about..my faith is mine, yours is yours.  That’s the way it should be, and will always be with me.

I confess I’m a terrible blogger, as I have no consistent blog coming out daily or weekly.  I’m also not one to have a theme for my blog. If you read anything I write.

Thank You.

I am frustrated at times about many things, social injustices, be it the inequality of women in relation to the male gender, the destruction of ancient relics/artifacts in Iraq by ISIS, the wars that occur all over the globe, animals in captivity, GMO’s being everywhere and seemingly in everything. Human trafficking, be it male or female, the sex trade, and I could go on and on and on.

The point is I’m frustrated, because I want to fix all these issues. BUT, I can’t.  It has to be an effort where everyone gets involved. Although, I do believe one person can make a difference in certain things, it’s not wrong to say, there is power in numbers.

I get off track easy; my mind tends to get amped up when I think of these things…

I want to talk about online life…

Kaboom!  Was that the sound of people’s heads exploding, haha joking..

Online Dating is what I want to talk about…

There was a time, when dating was not so commercialized…I mean, you might date someone you met at a bar, nightclub, from a church, a grocery store, maybe it was a blind date, maybe you dated someone you worked with.  It could even be someone you met at school, college, university…you get the point..

You weren’t meeting people online, because at one point, there was No Internet.

eHarmony, Plenty of Fish, Tinder, Ok Cupid, LavaLife, Twitter, Facebook, Christian Mingle, Match.com those are just a few, plus people are hooking up for short term, casual sex, long term and other activities..

Honestly, being single in the internet age is brutal. You might think there is more choice, so that has to be a good thing. It’s not.

The phrase “Less is More” applies here. With less choice, people tend to look harder at the choices they’re making. Everything is more enhanced, more valuable. Time and quality becomes important.

When you have an overwhelming amount to choose from, for many it gets reduced to looking at a photo for half a second; then making a decision.

That really doesn’t work for me. The way someone looks, yeah, it’s a factor; you have to be physically attracted to someone. I’ve also found in my experience, the longer you are with someone, the more beautiful they become to you.

The problem with these sites is they’re overrun with scammers (people living thousands of miles away) prostitutes. Hookers etc

The “Good Ones” on these sites, they exist…I’m hopeful they do anyways…

I wish these sites did not exist, but at the same time, people who find their bliss on here, I’m happy for them.

I guess for me, knowing that I’m being judged based on whatever photos I post gets me down. I can’t help feeling down about this,

There is so much more to me than photos of me.

I don’t make a decision to message someone online based on their physical appearance. I want to know what makes someone tick. I want to know their passions, goals, aspirations.

I want to know what is important to them. I can guarantee other people who are on an online dating site know exactly what I’m saying…They don’t like the fact that their photos determine their fate.

The only one this doesn’t apply to; stunning women, and for the women, they guys who look like models. BUT, then again, if I was smoking hot; I’d be irked knowing that’s the only reason people are messaging me.

I have a fairly lengthy profile on an online dating site…

I lay it our crystal clear on who I am, what I want, I talk about my past, present and future…

I figure if I do this, I’ll get the right people messaging me, right?

NOPE, instead I get photos EVERY single day from women, who are either naked or half naked.  I must not forget the bisesxual woman from Toronto, who sent me a photo of 2 lesbian vampires having sex in a bathtub.

Classy, just so classy..

If you’re on a dating site, don’t you want to be seen in the best light possible?

I don’t get all the women that are MY AGE, still doing the duckface, the Sideways V with their 2 fingers, bragging about getting smashed, every weekend, you are 35+ this is NOT attractive, unless someone is looking for something “easy”

Women who posed with sedated Tigers..really? Piss off…

Or my favorite, the many, many women in their 40’s who put 20 as their age..when they are 45+.

But the biggest winners are the ones who post photos of their young children, are you crazy? Your children, come on people.

I’m not a fan of dishonest people. Or, is that just me.

If you are on a dating site, the profile, with no pics, or a profile that just says you’re female,

Delete your profile. Pretty sure I’m not interested in trolls, catfish etc…

I’m only speaking from my perspective, I’m quite aware that great things happen for some people through these sites.

In an ideal world more people would value actions, words, soul, than the outside package, but I guess I’m just dreaming at this point.

Online dating is not for everyone.

I know my friends would say “Don’t give up, there’s someone out there for you” and my reaction is yeah right..haha..bad attitude?

No, I’m just a realist. However, I don’t like to quit.

I’ve been trying this online dating thing for a few months, and I’ve met some “interesting” people.

In my opinion, online dating is not for me.

I can’t see myself looking helpless at a grocery store, I don’t do the bar scene, getting set up on a blind date by friends…. do people still set up their friends? I don’t believe in getting involved with clients..

My church attendance is sporadic at best.

Which brings me back to the online world, If I had a magic wand…I’d wave it over online dating sites and eliminate the option of photos, and you’d have to have a profile that indicates more than your gender..

THIS, would mean, you’d have to get to know the person based on the quality of the person they are..

What a shocking concept…

I’m not looking for pity, or sympathy, I am sure some of you can relate to what I am saying, others, maybe not so much and that is ok.

I am physically healthy more or less, mentally healthy, somewhat, but I breathe, I have my faith, and I have some amazing people who are in my life.

I wish for amazing love every single day. I don’t think we’re meant to be alone. You can be alone, lonely, even if you’re surrounded my friends and family.

I am never truly alone because I have my faith. There are days however, I feel lonely and invisible.

I believe in my heart that as much as the internet does to educate people, it has a dark side and that side is, it keeps people locked to it.

I value social interaction more. It’s a 2 sided sword.

I have thousands of followers on social media, yet I feel invisible, more often than not. I feel like I’m a hindrance or an annoyance or a joke to many. What compounds these thoughts is what happens to me on Online dating sites.

I long for the days where communication and social interaction was king, you know the days before internet.

Irony is, the internet is the way people will see this. Maybe I should have started a journal instead of an online blog. I find it easier to type than write, haha.

I know I was born too late in life. I should have been born in a different era. They say the grass is greener on the other side. There might be truth to that.

In the meantime, I will keep appearing and disappearing on twitter and facebook.

I’ll keep writing blogs from time to time.

I will even keep the online dating profile…for a little bit longer..

However, if you happen to know a nice woman, who’s an animal lover, maybe a sports fan, a fan of the XFiles, Big Bang Theory, Star Wars and Star Trek that works too and most important, she’s single,

You can always tell her to say hello…

Until we meet again…

Oaks…

Online Dating

Online Dating…..

Two words that can for some people be a positive thing or a negative thing.

This won’t be a post where I bash people..

These are simply my thoughts, and isn’t that what blogging is REALLY supposed to be?

I’m not getting paid to tell you how I feel or what I think.

There are countless websites/apps out there that offer people the chance to meet up,

Tinder, Plenty of Fish, OK Cupid, eHarmony, Match.Com, Craigslist and likely I’m probably missing a few thousand more, although…people do use Twitter and Facebook as a way to meet.

The purpose of what I am writing is not to bash people who use these sites to hook up for casual sex, or commit adultery.

Those are your choices, no matter how much I strongly detest those poor choices.

The purpose of what I write is just to offer my thoughts.

You can agree or disagree, you can even leave comments.

I know so many people that have met online, be it twitter, facebook, Tinder, Plenty of Fish, OK Cupid, eHarmony, Match.Com, Craigslist.

In fact, the people that I refer to are all in serious relationships now, be as it BF/GF or husband and wife.

To those friends of mine, I applaud you.

When you are an old fashioned guy, it’s hard to switch what you’ve always known or done to a completely different path.

I never was the guy who wanted to meet “the one” in a bar…when alcohol is involved… I just don’t trust it.

Conversely, I always believed that getting involved with those you work with, not the smartest of ideas.

I don’t go to church as often as I should, Sorry Casey 🙂

So, where does a good person meet someone they can maybe build something amazing with…

Hence, the world of Online Dating

As I mentioned earlier, there are a plethora of ways to “get to know” people online.

The problem though is, so many of those people who you “might” connect with, they are 100% fake.

I know this, because since I’ve been in Ontario, I’ve met about 1000 people.

When I say about 1000 people, I’m not talking about in a dating/romantic capacity.

I’m talking about meeting people at sporting events, tweetups, networking functions etc.

The startling reality is, the majority are fake.

If you are a person with common sense and decency, do you really want a relationship with someone who is one way online…but the polar opposite offline.

I know that scenario doesn’t work for me.

There is this couple I know, they’re adorable, the guy Andrew has been my friend ever since I came to Ontario, and he met his love of his life on Tinder, 1 year later, they’re still going strong.

His GF has been pushing me to get myself “out there” on an online dating manner.

She’s probably right, Her thoughts are I’m smart, not hard on the eyes, and have a lot of great qualities.

I think she’s crazy, but a lot of my female friends tend to echo her sentiments, so who knows, maybe they’re right.

I’ve thought to myself, on a daily basis…it’s time that I find myself someone, that I can grow old with.

I’ve never been the serial dater, dating is not life a buffet to me… I don’t need 50 different flavors that are ok…just 1 that is awesome.

Monogamous long term relationships are what I’ve always known.

I’m not cool enough to say I’ve had a one night stand, or I’ve done a threesome, so if that means my man card is going to be revoked..so be it.

I’ve been in Ontario since 2010….and I’ve not seriously dated anyone since I’ve been here..

I always told most people I moved here, because I’m obsessed with Toronto sports teams.

There is a ring of truth in that statement. I am obsessed with my terrible, dysfunctional Toronto sports teams.

Having said that, people that are super close to me, they know why I moved to Ontario..

A long time ago, in what seems like another lifetime..I was in love…for many, many years I was blessed to know love.

BUT, life had other plans for me, and she passed away.

The last person I was in love with died. It is something that I wish no one would have to experience.

However, I know it happens on most likely a daily basis to someone in the world.

I knew I couldn’t deal with that kind of pain and emotional carnage..so I came here..where no one knows me..

I needed to deal with my pain and suffering on my own terms,

I also knew, my friends would at some point want me to move on, and they’d start trying to set me up with someone they would think would be great for me.

I didn’t want that, so I left…

It took a long long time to heal..and while I was healing, all my friends around me were living life, being in love, getting married, you know, being happy.

Fast forward to present day,

I’ve been ready to be in a serious relationship for some time now..

I made my first dip in the water not long ago..

I responded to someone who I thought I’d be compatible with,

We had quite a few conversations, even had the obligatory phone calls 🙂

I guess this is where I talk about the first date?

I talked to some people, mostly women,

I asked their advice on the do’s and don’ts of “The First Date”

I was pretty psyched, I knew the person was beautiful and intelligent & appeared to be quite funny as well.

I made reservations at a place that a friend suggested…

Intimate setting, but not over the top, small, but not miniscule, but not large enough that onversation would be difficult.

This is basically how the evening went, we talked for close to 3 hours, had 3 glasses of delicious red wine, she laughed when I said funny things, she complimented me on how I looked, loved my beard, said my hair was perfect, and that my photos really don’t do me justice.

The conversations were not one sided, I asked lots of questions about her..I kept religion and politics out of the conversation haha. I’d say she talked about as much as I did. She told me she’d love to be my date for my Birthday (which is coming up on the 9th) and also told me, Valentine’s Day, I’d be her date.

She talked about things that she wanted, I did the same, we were clearly wanting the same things, I felt like a second date is definitely coming my way.

I’m thinking on my way home, wow..this is awesome, met a woman who I am compatible with

AND…I met her online, go figure, maybe my friends are onto something with online dating..

Maybe…

I sent her a brief text message,

It said, “Great meeting you, looking forward to seeing you again” and then, I went to sleep.

When I woke up this morning, the light on my phone was flashing.

I picked up the phone, and saw that I had a text from her,

I started to smile,

Until I read her text…

“I’m not really feeling this”

My thought were this…

We talked for close to 3 hours, had 3 glasses of delicious red wine, she laughed when I said funny things, she complimented me on how I looked, loved my beard, said my hair was perfect, and that my photos really don’t do me justice.

The conversations were not one sided, I asked lots of questions about her..I kept religion and politics out of the conversation haha. I’d say she talked about as much as I did. She told me she’d love to be my date for my Birthday (which is coming up on the 9th) and also told me, Valentine’s Day, I’d be her date.

She talked about things that she wanted, I did the same, we were clearly wanting the same things, I felt like a second date is definitely coming my way.

Is this what woman do, when they are “Not Feeling This”

Am I missing something, if you don’t feel the connection, don’t you leave after the first glass of wine?

I am apparently not as smart as I think haha, seriously, I will never profess to being an expert with women.

So, now what…

Do I try another venture into the world of online dating, or do I go back into my own self imposed exile.

I guess you’ll have to keep reading to see what happens.

People say they are happy being single, ok.

There are other people who find life if better, when they’re not single.

No right or wrong answer in my opinion, it’s ok to be single, it’s ok to not be single.

As long as you’re happy..that’s what counts..

You know, Oak trees are strong, majestic, and it takes a force of absolute strength to take down an Oak…

Even though my first foray into online dating didn’t end the way I thought it might..

It’s going to take more than this to knock me down..

Besides,

They say there is someone for everyone…

When I find my “someone”

I’ll be sure to do right by her…

Oaks~